'You can be your own Valentine' Niomi Smart on why we should all lean into self-love

Publish date: 2024-05-17

Following a recent break-up, the digital creator guides us through what she's learned on her journey...

I am a hopeless romantic, and happy to admit it. 

I love love. But now the love I seek is from within. 

I spent most of my twenties seeking love outside of myself - whether that be from romantic partnerships or from my friends and family. Of course, external love is important for connection and community, and sadly I do believe we have lost the essence of this in modern-day society, however, the emphasis I put on external love was not a path to long-term true happiness.

I’m now 31, and I’ve experienced two broken engagements.

There is one big lesson that the last few years of my life have taught me. External love should not be our source of self-validation and worth. If that is the case, we can easily lose ourselves in a relationship, which can lead to co-dependant connections.

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I’m now 31, and I’ve experienced two broken engagements, which I prefer to see as 'karmic relationships'; necessary events in life that were catalysts for change, growth, and transformation. That is where my self-love story begins.

If someone had told me to connect to my 'heart space' five years ago, I would have raised an eyebrow.

 Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, sometimes we need to hit rock bottom and have our hearts cracked open to discover the magic within. Nothing changes if nothing changes. 

I took the cliché journey to a tropical island to heal my heart. Eye-roll, I know. The phase of my life. I embarked upon a journey of healing, exploration of spirituality, and regular therapy. And I am eternally grateful for these challenging events, because I may never have been inclined to dive into these practices otherwise.

Spending time in Indonesia was the best decision I could've made - on the plane to Bali on my own - I had an overwhelming feeling that I was about to embark upon the most transformative journey of my life. And it was more than I could have imagined. 

I spent months absorbing the magic of the ‘Island of the Gods’, learning the ceremonial and sacred practices of the Balinese. I spent time with local healers, a 'Mangku' (priest), and learning practices that I would otherwise never have come across, such as making offerings of gratitude to the land known as 'canang sari', and attending sacred ceremonies. I deepened my yoga practice, completed a course in breathwork, and learned how to connect more to nature. Essentially it all guided me the way back to myself. 

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Despite the divine experiences in Bali, I felt a strong calling to return back to my reality in London, and so I ended a very special chapter of my life. There's one particular lesson I learned that I hope will always stay with me; to truly connect to the inner wisdom of my heart. And that’s exactly what brought me back home - home to London, and home to myself.

That’s exactly what brought me back home - home to London, and home to myself.

You see, our hearts never lie, but the problem is they speak softly and subtly in comparison to our feisty and loud heads, and consequentially, these soft whispers are often ignored or deafened as a result. 

Spending time opening up to the wisdom of teachers and learning new practices, has provided an opportunity to understand more about the workings of our minds, our energetic bodies, and the science behind the ‘woo woo.’ Ultimately, it has allowed me to develop personal powerful practices that have been the instigator of change in my life. 

If someone had told me to connect to my 'heart space' five years ago, I would have raised an eyebrow. Today spending time in silence, connecting back into my heart is the single most important tool I have established to keep me on my path. 

And the best part is, anyone can do it. It takes time and patience of course, but is oh-so worth the abundance of joy and magic that can be revealed when you allow your mind to settle and listen to the whispers of the heart. 

I’ve learned to romance myself, to fall in love with myself.

I am still a hopeless romantic and I still love love. The difference is I’ve learned to romance myself, to fall in love with myself. It’s not all roses and chocolates I must admit. It involves leaning into the shadow side, to face the parts of myself I feared most and would rather push aside. 

But I am grateful for the challenging experiences in life that have inspired me to spread my wings from my chrysalis and take a leap of faith as I soar into the sky with bright and colourful new wings.  

This February I am whisking myself off for a très romantic trip to Paris for one... it is the month of love after all. I plan to wine and dine myself into a love bubble oblivion, gaze at the Mark Rothkos on display in the Louis Vuitton Foundation, and stroll aimlessly along the riverside. 

May this be your reminder that you can be your own Valentine.

Niomi Smarthere

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